તમે સંતાનનાં મા – બાપ છો કે મિત્ર?

વર્ષા પાઠક

(વર્ષા પાઠક - મુંબઇ, ‘સંપર્ક સેતુ’ - જુલાઈ ૨૦૧૩)

ડેડી, બસો રૂપિયા આપોને!’

કેમ?’

ફ્રેન્ડ્સ સાથે બહાર જાઉં છું!’

ઠીક છે. આ લે. અને ક્યારે પાછો આવીશ?’

નક્કી નહીં. ઘરની ચાવી લઇને જાઉં છું. ડોન્ટ વરી, ગુડ નાઇટ!‘

ગુડ નાઇટ, બડી!’

રાતના લગભગ નવ વાગ્યા હતા. સત્તરેક વર્ષનો છોકરો હાથમાં ઘરની અને સ્કૂટરની ચાવીઓ ઘુમાવતો બહાર નીકળી ગયો. પપ્પાજીએ હસતે મોઢે મારી સામે જોઇને મીઠી ફરીયાદ કરીઃ

આજકાલના છોકરા ઘરમાં ટકે જ નહીં!’

ક્યાં ગયો?’ એ જ વખતે કિચનમાંથી બહાર આવેલી મમ્મીએ દીકરા વિશે પૃચ્છા કરી.

ખબર નથી, ફ્રેન્ડ્સ સાથે ક્યાંક ગયો છે.’

ક્યા ફ્રેન્ડ સાથે?’

અરે, ગયો હશે ભાઇ ક્યાંક! તેં તો પોલીસની જેમ પૂછપરછ આદરી!’

પણ…’

ખબર છે ને કે આવી પૂછતાછ, કચકચ કરવાનું મને પસંદ નથી!’

આટલું બોલતાં એ ભાઇએ મારી સામે જોયું: ‘હું માનું છું કે છોકરાં મોટા થઇ ગયાં પછી એમને એમની રીતે જીવવાની સ્વતંત્રતા આપવી જોઇએમાબાપે પોલીસની જેમ નહીં, પણ એમના મિત્ર તરીકે વર્તવું જોઇએમેં તો બહુ પહેલેથી નક્કી કરી નાખેલું કે હું મારા દીકરાનો ફાધર નહીં, પણ ફ્રેન્ડ બનીને રહીશ.’

હવે તમે જ કહો, સત્તર વર્ષનો છોકરો રાતે બાઇક પર ખિસ્સામાં પૈસા નાખીને નીકળે અને મા બાપને આછીપાતળી પણ ખબર ન હોય કે એ ક્યાં, કોની સાથે જાય છે એ કોઇ ગર્વ લેવા જેવી વાત છે?

જોકે એમાં એ બિચારાનો વાંક પણ કઇ રીતે કાઢવો? માતાપિતાએ સંતાનોના મિત્ર બનીને રહેવું જોઇએ. આ વાક્યનાં એટલા વિચિત્ર, વિકૃત અર્થઘટન થયાં છે કે ઘણાં લોકોએ પોતાની અક્કલ વાપરવાનું બંધ કરી દીધું છે! આવા લોકોએ ક્યારેય વિચાર્યું છે કે મિત્ર અને માતાપિતા વચ્ચે બહુ મોટો ફરક હોય છે અને હોવો જ જોઇએ?

નાની ઉંમરે મિત્રો એટલે એવા લોકો કે જે સરખેસરખી ઉંમરના હોય, એકમેકની સારીખરાબ બધીય આદતનું અનુકરણ કરતા હોય કે પછી સ્વીકારી લેતા હોય. એકમેકની ભૂલ પર ઢાંકપિછોડો કરતા હોય. કાચી વયે ન કરવા જેવી પ્રવૃત્તિઓ પણ સાથે મળીને કરતા હોય. એકબીજાને શિખામણ કે ઠપકો આપવાનું વિચારી પણ ન શકતા હોય

હવે તમને લાગે છે કે માતાપિતા આ મિત્રની વ્યાખ્યામાં ફિટ થવાં જોઇએ? બાળકને મિત્રો તો ઘણા હોઇ શકે. પણ માબાપ એક જ હોય છે અને માબાપની મુખ્ય ફરજોમાં એક હોય છે યોગ્ય માર્ગદર્શન. મિત્ર એ ન કરી શકે. કારણ કે મિત્રો એક રસ્તાના પ્રવાસી હોય છે અને ઘણી વાર સાથે સાથે ઊંધે રવાડે ચઢી જતાં હોય છે. ચોરીછૂપીથી સિગારેટ પીવી, બીજો કોઇ નશો કરવો. જુગાર રમવો, સ્કૂલ કોલેજમાં ગુટલી મારીને ફિલ્મ જોવા જવું

આવા સમયે માતાપિતાની ફરજ હોય છે કે એમને ખોટે રસ્તે જતાં રોકે, શિસ્તનું પાલન કરતાં શીખવે. જરૂર પડે ત્યાં શિક્ષા પણ કરે.

આ વાતમાં ઘણાને જુનવાણીપણાની ગંધ આવશે તો પણ એ સત્ય છે કે બાળક ભલે હવે ગમે તેટલાં સ્માર્ટ થઇ ગયેલાં લાગતાં હોય પણ આખરે બાળક છે. સોળસત્તર વર્ષનો છોકરો કે છોકરી ગમે તેટલાં હોશિયાર હોય તોપણ એમનામાં સાચાખોટાની પરખ કરવાની સંપૂર્ણ શક્તિ, બુદ્ધિ કે પુખ્તતા નથી જ હોતી. ઊલટું, આ ઉંમરે કુતૂહલવૃત્તિ એટલી ઉછાળા મારતી હોય છે કે ધુમ્રપાનથી માંડીને ક્રાઇમ સુધીનાં દરેક દૂષણ એમને અજમાવવા જેવાં લાગે.

ઘણા વડીલ કહેતા હોય છે કે એમને એક વાર અખતરો કરી લેવા દો. પછી આપોઆપ સમજી જશે. અહીં પણ આ ડાહ્યા વડીલો માર ખાઇ જાય છે. આ ઉંમર સમજણની નથી હોતી. એક વાર સિગારેટ પીને ખાંસી ખાનારો કે ઊલટી કરી નાખનારો છોકરો બીજી વાર સિગારેટ નહીં જ પીએ એવું માનતા નહીં.

સોળસત્તર વર્ષના છોકરાને બાઇક કે કારની ચાવી આપ્યા બાદ એવી અપેક્ષા નહીં રાખતા કે એ ધીમે ધીમે કાળજીભેર ડ્રાઇવિંગ કરશે. આ ઉંમરે મોતની કલ્પના એટલી દૂર હોય છે કે બાળકો જીવલેણ જોખમ લેતાં અચકાતા નથી. અહીં તમે એમ કહેશો કે એકાદબે એક્સિડન્ટ કર્યા પછી એ આપોઆપ શીખી જશે?

છોકરાને પૈસા આપ્યા બાદ એ ક્યાં વાપરે છે એ નહીં પૂછનારાઓ માટે કહી શકાય કે એ પૈસા આપીને છૂટી જાય છે અને માબાપ તરીકેની ફરજ ચૂકે છે. સ્કૂલમાં જતા દીકરાને રોજ પાંચદસ રૂપિયા વાપરવા આપી દો અને એ રોજ એમાંથી વેફર, ચોકલેટ, કોલ્ડ ડ્રિન્ક લીધાં કરે. લોટરીની ટિકિટ ખરીદે, સિગારેટ અજમાવી લે તો

પૈસા આપવાની સાથે એનો હિસાબ રાખતાં પણ શીખવાની જવાબદારી વડીલોની છે. ખિસ્સાખર્ચી યોગ્ય રીતે વપરાય છે કે નહીં એ જોવાની ફરજ મિત્રની નહીં. માબાપની હોય છે.

ઘણાં માબાપ કહેતાં હોય છે કે મારી દીકરી (કે દીકરા) મારી વીકનેસ છે. હું એને કોઇ ચીજની ના નથી પાડી શકતો/શકતી.

પણ આ વીકનેસ ઘણીવાર તમારા સંતાનને વીક બનાવી દે છે. બાળકના ઘડતરમાં માત્ર પ્રેમ પૂરતો નથી હોતો. એને માત્ર લાડ કર્યા કરો, પણ, કોઇ સારી ચીજ શીખવો નહીં તો શું કામનું? તમારાં દીકરાદીકરી સરખું ભણે નહીં. બીજી કોઇ આવડત વિકસાવે નહીં, લોકો સાથે ઉદ્ધતાઇથી વાત કરે, ઘરકામમાં તમારી મદદ ન કરે. માત્ર પૈસા ઉડાવે, જીદ કર્યા કરે તો તમારા પ્રેમનો શું અર્થ?

સંતાનના મિત્ર બનવું એટલે એના મનમાંથી ડર કાઢી નાખીને પણ શિસ્તની સમજ આપવી. ટીવી અને કમ્પ્યુટર લઇ આવ્યા બાદ એનો સારો, યોગ્ય ઉપયોગ કરતાં શીખવવું. રજાને દિવસે સાથે રમ્યા બાદ ઘરકામમાં પણ એ મદદ કરે તેવી અપેક્ષા રાખવીઆ મિત્રતામાં આંખમીંચામણાંને સ્થાન નથી.

ઉદારતા કે મિત્રતાને નામે જવાબદારીમાંથી છટકી જનારાં માબાપે એટલું યાદ રાખવું કે બાળકને તમે આજે થોડા કડક થઇને સારા પાઠ નહીં ભણાવો તો કાલે ઊઠીને બીજાઓ તો ઠીક, ખુદ એ જ તમારો વાંક કાઢશે, કારણ કે એ જીવનની સાચી દિશા ગુમાવી બેઠાં હશે.



વર્ષા પાઠક, મુંબઇ.



(‘સંપર્ક સેતુ’જુલાઈ ૨૦૧૩માં પ્રકાશિત લેખ ‘આપણી વાત’ માંથી સાભાર)

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